Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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