at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
