Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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