No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
