Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
