We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
