Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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