At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
