Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
