How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
honey bunches of taint.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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