And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
