someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
