Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and she was petting her beer can
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
