her vagine was all disorganized.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
