Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
