Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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