and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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