TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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