just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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