i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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