you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
