I must be too annoying 4 u.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
