if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
