if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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