i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
