It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
