He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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