my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
