You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
40s are totally the cure
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
