Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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