I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
