Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
