When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
