hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
