I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
