TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
