I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
