I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
