Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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