It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
