she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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