Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
