So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
