Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
