Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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