somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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