i may or may not be watching the land before time
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
