I wanna bring you to show and tell
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
