Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
