I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
