I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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